Monday, June 21, 2004

Wedding Update

# Hours awake - 1 1/2
# Cups of coffee - 1 1/2
# People I'm going to kill for getting me hooked on the Harry Potter franchise - 3

Just a quick wedding update... from my last oddly vague conversation with the groom, it appears that something akin to potato sac races will now be involved.

If I see a pinata, I'm walking.

Btw, my response to his offer to make me head bartender was not taken as a joke.

"Would you like a lemon wedge with that?"

-S

Friday, June 18, 2004

Asian Food

# Hours awake - 17
# Cups of coffee - 1 (sadly)
# Bottles of 2 buck chuck - 1

O.k., so I'm willing to admit that this blog will probably be taken down shortly after I write it but what the heck...

Raise your hand if you've ever had difficulty ordering take out from an Asian restaurant.

o.k., 7...15..you 2 in the back...ok, so most everyone has.

Here's the thing. Now imagine the same trouble you had ordering food was doubled only this time you were trying to figure out why you were charged twice for the same meal.

ring....ring...

(On phone): Hello, Chan Darette Marina Del Rey, can I help rou?

(Me): Yes, I'm calling because I had lunch at your restaurant today and I gave the waiter my credit card and he said it kept saying call the bank. I gave him a different card and it went through no problem and all was well. However, I went home and called the bank, like he said, and they told me that at exactly 2:16 I had made a purchase at your restaurant with the card that your waiter said was rejected.

(On phone): Right.

(pause)

(Me): Well, see that's the problem. I have two charges from two different cards for the same lunch on the same day.

(On phone): Right.

(pause)

(me): No, not RIGHT!, I only had lunch one time and I was only expecting to pay for it one time.

(On phone): Ohhhhhh, well, let me see your receipt.

(pause)

(me): I can't show you my receipt, I'm on the phone.

(On phone): Right.

(Me): Listen, I just want to know if you have two charges at the same time for the same amount on different cards that coincidentally have my name on both of them.

(On phone): O.k., hold please.

(music that sounds like aquatic animals humping for five minutes)

(On phone): O.k. so yes, we have your charge and it went through.

(Me): (Jesus Christ) Well, I'm sure it went through, I just want to make sure it didn't go through twice.

(On phone): Oh, o.k., can you tell me what time?

(Me): (Now we're getting somewhere) Lunch time, and if you want specifics, 2:16 PST.

(Long pause)

(On phone) Yes, o.k., we have one charge for 45.00 and one for 44.17.

(Me): Oh, great, can you just cancel the 44.17 charge.

(On phone): What?

(Me): (Good Lord) Can you please cancel the lesser charge because I didn't eat in your restaurant twice within two minutes?

(On phone): Oh, don't worry, that one won't go through at end of day.

(Me): Um, my credit card company seems to think it's going to go through at the end of the day.

(On phone): No, we know. It should be fine.

(Me): Well, another problem is that my total was for 36.81.

(On phone): Yes.

(Me): And I have one total that I paid and signed for and one total that I never received and yet it somehow had a tip added to it and it was run through the computer.

(On phone): Right...............hold please.

At this point the conversation continued (eventually) and never got anywhere further towards them either admitting that they tried to double charge me for lunch or that at the end of the day, they would call my bank and let them know that they had made a boo boo.

I'm tired now, I'll let you know what happens tomorrow.

-S

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Mmmmmmm

# Cups of coffee - 0
# Hours awake - 1/4
# Of original thoughts - 0

I got nothing. Be back later.

Need coffee.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Pirates of the English language

# Cups of coffee - 1
# Hours awake - 3 1/2
# Bites of french toast - 12

Can anyone explain to me why there are two phonetically acceptable versions of the word Caribbean?

Note: Bonus points for originality and extra points for people who do not use the words potato or tomato in their response.

The Coming Storm

# Cups of coffee - 3/4
# Hours awake - 1
# Bad stories to post - 7

So instead of trying to tell all of my friends individually, I decided to create this Blog so that in one take everyone could hear the same story. Of course, this will eliminate the exponential exaggerations that occur with each retelling (the fish was THIS big) but I'm sure I can go back and change things unbelievably believable. This begins with the coming storm...the re-wedding of my father. My siblings and I have had time to get used to the idea and up until three days ago we were all fine with it. Of course, in traditional father fashion, I get this email three days ago:

"Fine with JXXX and JXXX as well. We're gonna have some fun stuff here - surprises - that you will really like - starting Friday the 9th during the day and continuing through Sunday. Not your typical wedding - maybe we won't even get married. So you're welcome with your friends when you can.

See ya.

Love ya, Dad"

OK, for bonus points, who can figure out what's wrong with the preceding passage? Anyone? (On a side note, we will be creating a point tally for all those who actually read this and a price will be awarded at the end of each quarterly period).

The first interesting thing that comes to mind might be the "maybe we won't even get married passage." I'm not saying we would have a problem with that but just what has this crazy bastard got in store for us? Needless to day, I've secured passage on rail, sea and air just in case it turns into an old Outer Limits episode and I need to depart immediately. The second and equally interesting part is "...welcome with your friends when you can." Anyone think he'll notice if we don't show up. He might if he was actually being serious when he asked me if I wanted to be a bartender for the wedding (he was) and suddenly everyone was wondering how to fill their gin and tonics.

Perhaps it's just dad being dad - he's always been a little spacey. Or maybe it's his soon to be (or not) wife's "Dutch" (read "complete absence of") sense of humor. Yeah, he's fucking hilarious.

"What, you like Bartending." - Yeah Dad, I also like cooking, but I'm not going to cater my cousin's Bar Mitzvah.

-S

POINT TOTALs - UPDATED!!!

Check back occasionally to see who is in the lead.

1st Place: The Floridian - 1062
-For a rediculous weekend in Santa Barbara
-For surviving something else. :)

2nd Place: The Snake - 127
-For the extended stay and surviving the weekend as well.

3rd Place: The Aunt - 64
-For surving the wedding as well as being a good shit.


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