Outie!

# Hours Awake: 20
# Cups of coffee: 7
# Bottle of wine: 2

NOTE: This blog will have nothing to do with a belly button.
So I prepare my last night in the vast wasteland that is Los Angeles (for 4 days) I reflect upon the things that I am about to give thanks for.
Well, now that I think about it, I give thanks for being able to get the hell out of here. This is the longest I’ve been away from the East Coast since I decided to take up residence in this fine desert and frankly I'm ready for some humidity.
Now don't get me wrong; I'm not a hater. Frankly, I can't stand people who move here from New York only to spend the next 6 months complaining about how much better "the city" is than Los Angeles. For the thousandth time, I fucking know already! I've lived there before and I'd probably be living there now if it weren't for this unfortunate and life long desire to work in entertainment. Let me explain to you why this happens to people who make the treck over the Mississippi.
New York is great. There is culture, seasons and cabs pretty much whenever you need one (unless you really do). In LA we have none of these things (especially the cabs) but that is NOT the thing that drags most former New Yorkers back to the East Coast. It is something far simpler. Ass.
The biggest complaint New Yorkers have is their complete and total inability to hook-up in Los Angeles. I've heard everything from, "She had to get up in the morning" to "she's getting her breasts resized in the morning" and I gotta tell you it's much simpler than that.
She/he's just not fucked-up enough.
Believe me, it's not your fault. It's not the bar or even the bartender’s fault. It's not even the fault of the extraordinarily early "last-call" time we've got out here...it's the fault of a couple of bastards back in the 60's who decided we didn't need a metro transport system.
That my friends, is the difference. If you don’t have to drive anywhere, you don’t have to worry about how shitplowed you're getting and consequently, how willing you are to hook up.
Now that I think about it, I don't remember what I'm thankful for so I'll have to get back to you all on that.
-Shaques