Monday, March 11, 2013

Calvin: An Addendum

Calvin: An Addendum

Calvin began his commute like any other day, only today it was raining. He cinched the lapels of his overcoat tighter as he made his way through the bustling morning crowds. The rain poured off the sides of his thin cap as he shuffled down 5th Avenue, side-stepping the puddles as he’d forgotten his galoshes once again.

He’d always wanted to be a Private Investigator or, a dick as he was often referred to these days, but the job never turned into what he’d always imagined it would be. It was just a bunch of sitting around really; waiting for some schlub to make a mistake and then he’d get to be the bearer of bad news. His clients knew not to shoot the messenger but it usually felt that way regardless.

He side-stepped a few Asian tourists typically blocking the busy sidewalk and threw some change on top of a stack of Posts.

“Weather gal said it might rain today. Whaddya think Cal?”

The voice belonged to Hal McGinty, owner / proprietor of this particularly scummy newsstand on the corner of 63rd street. McGinty’s was a place you could get the paper and some information... for a price.

Calvin looked up into the forbidding sky, the rain hitting him square in his rosey cheeks. I wish I could say they got their hue from the cold but I’d be lying if I he wasn’t a friend of the bottle. In his line of work, who could blame him.

“I’d say fifty / fifty.” He responded.

McGinty chuckled.

“You got anything for me this morning?” Asked Calvin.

“Nothing today Cal. People keep buttoned up in this kind of weather... in more ways than one, if you know what I mean.”

McGinty had a tendency to add that last bit onto most everything he said.

“Just the Post then.”

Calvin snuck the folded paper into the small opening in his jacket. He’d be lucky if it was halfway readable by the time he got to the office.

He nodded his cap and turned back onto 5th and made it a few steps before bumping into a particularly large gentleman in his own rain-slicked overcoat.

“Well, excuse me buddy!” He shouted at the departing figure. Asshole, Calvin thought as he turned back around.

But a few steps later, a thought occurred to Calvin. A feeling he hadn’t felt in a lifetime. There was something about that gentleman. Something about his walk or the softness of the impact or the... orange feet that protruded...

Calvin spun around only to find that the man, the one who had so carelessly bumped him just a moment before, was standing, just a few paces from where he had last seen him. The rain poured off his coat as well but it didn’t seem to bother him. He stood there motionless, as the commuting crowd parted around him.

Calvin didn’t know why he’d stopped or why he’d turned. He didn’t know why he cared. And he certainly didn’t know why the only thing he could think was it can’t be.

The man began to turn around very slowly.

Calvin starred. The rain, the people, even time seemed to slow as the gentleman’s front revealed itself. He was tall, maybe 6’ 2,” which was tall for Calvin who’d never sprouted higher than the doctor’s predicted 5’ 8” frame. He wore a similar coat to Cal’s and it was beat-up in all the same places. It hung low though and obscured his feet.

How curious, thought Calvin.

The rain careened off the brim of his cap as he carefully lifted it to reveal his face.

He looked a little older. Maybe in his 40’s. Clearly time had not been good to him. The patches that once were white, now a distinguished gray. The orange had faded in places but it was, without a doubt and unmistakably, Hobbes.

He looked like he needed a shave, which was a funny thing to think about about a tiger

Oddly enough, no one else seemed to notice him. Not that he was blocking their path and not that he was an above average height tiger, wearing a raincoat and standing in the middle of the sidewalk outside of Nosh’s Deli.

Somewhere, in the deep recesses of his mind, Calvin thought that this might not be a safe place for such a ferocious beast. But the thought was fleeting and it passed.

Calvin could only stare. Had it been years? Decades?

Hobbes stared straight back at his old friend with a similar look on his face. Then slowly his old, weathered cloth face turned into a grin and then a penetrating smile. His white teeth hadn’t lost their shine.

Calvin’s face twitched. He felt muscles move that hadn’t in years and realized he too was smiling. It was a strong, deep smile; one that showed off his nicotine stained teeth. It hurt in a way but oh man, was the best kind of hurt.

For some reason he thought, I should call Susie.

They stayed there, in the rain, just smiling, for what could have been an eternity for all they cared and then Hobbes raised his right paw. A wave. A small gesture one might offer across a party to an old colleague, an old acquaintance... an old friend.

Calvin pulled his small hand out of his coat pocket and reciprocated. Rain trickled down his face but he didn’t mind. It blended nicely with the few warm tears he shed.

Hobbes nodded his cap, cinched his coat up tight in the collar and winked. With that he turned and walked away. Within moments he was gone; disappeared into the hustling bustling masses of the city’s morning routine.

There was a hint of sadness in Calvin but the smile would not leave his face. He didn’t care about the rain so much anymore, frankly he didn’t even notice it.

He turned to cross 63rd street but as the signal changed, he paused.

There was a particularly large pothole in the crosswalk, one the city would get to fixing in a few years, and it was positively overflowing with rain water.

Calvin started across but instead of plotting his course around the hazard (much to the surprise of his fellow commuters) he took a running start and jumped straight into it with a giant GALOOSH!!!

He pulled his soaked loafers one by one out of the foot deep hole and continued across the street, leaving several confused citizens in his literal wake.

The smile creased the corners of his mouth as he turned left onto 68th street and just then, the sun broke free of the clouds.


We miss you Bill Watterson.


By: Shaques

Monday, July 18, 2011

My Flatmates Argue A Lot

This morning:

M: Hey, I'm going to the store later, text me if you want me to get you anything.

N: Ok.

J: (Off screen) Text her Iced Tea.

M: No, I'm not getting you sugar water.

J: If you don't come back with something to drink...

M: What, J, then what?

J: Don't come back at all.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

What to say?

I've never posted anything like this and frankly I usually hate the people who do but I had a terrible tragedy happen to a friend of mine. I won't say what it was but it was awful and my heart goes out to him and his family.
Life is so fucking fleeting. If you've got loved ones hold onto them. Hug them. Tell them you love them and do it often. If you don't, find some because life just isn't worth living without them.
We've got a limited amount of time on this rock and some of us have less than others. Life is a gift and we shouldn't take it for granted...we do and we will continue to but we should spend every day trying to appreciate it.
Be well, have fun, smell a rose, kiss a baby or a total stranger.
Just live and make sure that everyone else you know does as well.
Lastly, I read this one time and it's truer to me now more than ever: "If you live life only for yourself then dying becomes and especially scary proposition."
Take care.
-S

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Uh oh

prepare for a new post.

that is all...

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Neighbors

Would someone explain to me what the fucking deal is with Europeans and Techno. It's 10 o'clock in the morning and my downstairs neighbors and blasting techno with their out of town buddies.
This happens every day.
Is techno like coffee to them?
I guess I can see that...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Things I Do Not Know - Part 1

# Hours Awake - 3
# Cups of Coffee - 1
# Grey Hairs - 17

The things I don't know would fill a bucket the size (charitably) of the Vredefort Dome. It's a lot, I know, so I don't expect to fill it all into a single post...you'll notice the "Part 1" up there.
There are things that I don't know and things that I imagine all "men" don't know and for now, we'll stick to the latter. At the top of the list I would put women or more specifically women’s clothing...this I think is why men don't (and shouldn't) shop with their wives/girlfriends/mistress'/concubines or other. The fact is, outside of nothing and a skimpy teddy, I don't know what looks good on you. I mean, I get the far ends of the spectrum, like Vera Wang evening gown - Good, and Hefty Cinch Sac - Bad, but it's everything in the middle that I'm a little muddled on. This wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing but it becomes one when you (women) ask my opinion. I know this...there is no good answer...only one that saves me from being kicked in the balls. Frankly, I don't like my odds or the possible outcome.
Let me give you an example...many years ago, I was dating a girl who liked to shop at vintage clothing stores. I was there because we "stopped on the way to lunch" which I soon realized actually meant, we'll get some food after a serious day of shopping so suck it up bitch – actually I added the “bitch” part.
Now in my defense, I tried to get out of every question with a "yeah" or "that's nice" but after the second hour my hunger level went up and my ability to bullshit went completely out the window. When asked what I thought about some sort of fringy, off-white, asymmetrical I simply said, "I don't like it." I'm pretty sure the music stopped right then and I would have noticed had I not been so concerned with the look in her eyes...it said rather simply "I'm going to kick you in the balls...not now, but when you least expect it." She was pissed, and I mean really. Shopping was over. And she kept saying, "You just don't know, I can't believe I asked you." I just sat there saying, "Uh, I know, I don't know. That's why I wore that stupid don't ask me expression all afternoon."
It certainly was a way (not one I recommend) to end the day of shopping.
But it still doesn't answer the question of why women ask us these things. You have to know we don't know and if we do that just means we're gay and that's arguably worse. Right?
Let me say that the reason we don't want to go shopping is not that we don't want to be with you. It's not that we don't support your incessant need to shop or think we'd have a more fulfilling experience with out hand down our pants and some game (or really anything) on the tube. It's just that we don't want to get kicked in the balls.
Is that so much to ask?

-Shaques

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Outie!

# Hours Awake: 20
# Cups of coffee: 7
# Bottle of wine: 2

NOTE: This blog will have nothing to do with a belly button.
So I prepare my last night in the vast wasteland that is Los Angeles (for 4 days) I reflect upon the things that I am about to give thanks for.
Well, now that I think about it, I give thanks for being able to get the hell out of here. This is the longest I’ve been away from the East Coast since I decided to take up residence in this fine desert and frankly I'm ready for some humidity.
Now don't get me wrong; I'm not a hater. Frankly, I can't stand people who move here from New York only to spend the next 6 months complaining about how much better "the city" is than Los Angeles. For the thousandth time, I fucking know already! I've lived there before and I'd probably be living there now if it weren't for this unfortunate and life long desire to work in entertainment. Let me explain to you why this happens to people who make the treck over the Mississippi.
New York is great. There is culture, seasons and cabs pretty much whenever you need one (unless you really do). In LA we have none of these things (especially the cabs) but that is NOT the thing that drags most former New Yorkers back to the East Coast. It is something far simpler. Ass.
The biggest complaint New Yorkers have is their complete and total inability to hook-up in Los Angeles. I've heard everything from, "She had to get up in the morning" to "she's getting her breasts resized in the morning" and I gotta tell you it's much simpler than that.
She/he's just not fucked-up enough.
Believe me, it's not your fault. It's not the bar or even the bartender’s fault. It's not even the fault of the extraordinarily early "last-call" time we've got out here...it's the fault of a couple of bastards back in the 60's who decided we didn't need a metro transport system.
That my friends, is the difference. If you don’t have to drive anywhere, you don’t have to worry about how shitplowed you're getting and consequently, how willing you are to hook up.
Now that I think about it, I don't remember what I'm thankful for so I'll have to get back to you all on that.
-Shaques


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