Reapin' what I done sowed

# Hours awake - 2
# Cups of coffee - 2/7
# Illegally downloaded songs / total songs - 512/533

As some of you know, a couple of weeks ago I had a little run which has resulted in the following story. Let me just start by saying that I think my lawyer fucked me. Over a two week period we went from, "Don't worry, you'll be fine," to "Well, there's been a continuance so you're going to have to go to AA twice a week as a show of good faith, and um, then we'll see where we stand." I'm not sure if I got the tone right but you should notice a distinct lack of confidence in the second part.

Now I understand that I have to make amends for what I done wrong and I understand the thought behind going to AA but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a fake heading in there; like I'm auditing a course. I've been before (with a former girlfriend in a support capacity) and I still felt like a tourist but at least I had a justifiable reason for being there.

So I went into my first class and it was actually fine. I would go into more detail but I think that wuld kind of defeat the purpose of the whole "A" part of "AA." (um, the second part) I was worried because the classes I had been to in the past had been small and cramped and you couldn't see through the haze of nine people smoking. There were some happy stories and some sad but the most memorable part was the guy who sat on either side of me (at different times) who wouldn't stop moving around. It took a while but I finally realized that what he reeked of was some sort of brandy. I don't know if that's funny or sad but at least I knew I wasn't the only one faking it.

-S